I want to talk about loving friendship - with others, with God, (or whatever you call the Divine- God, Goddess, Allah, the Buddha nature, the Source of Love, Spirit,) and with ourselves. I will begin with ourselves, because that is the most challenging, and because that is where we must start.
We come into this world as a unique manifestation of Divine love. Anyone who has looked deeply into the eyes of a new baby and experienced a shock of recognition, or a wake-up call to the wisdom in this child, will know that the essence of this baby is love.

A meditation teacher I worked with used to say,

“We have come from Love,
we are going to Love,
and all along the way we are loved.
Enjoy the journey!”

Unfortunately what happens to most of us on our journeys is that we forget that we are Love. We very quickly learn to judge ourselves, to criticise, to take on board negative remarks and beliefs until we literally become our own worst enemy. I bet nobody else in your life says as many negative things to you as you say to yourself.
“Oh, I’m so stupid.” “I’m such an idiot” “I’m useless.” “I’ll never get it right”, and so on, until our ego has such a stock-pile of ammunition that we can’t remember who we are.

I believe it is our most important task in life to remember who we are. Our egos will tell us that it is self-indulgence to learn to love and accept ourselves, we should be loving others. But to truly send love to another we need to be in our heart, as Stephen Levine says,

"..and we need to know the beauty, truth and love of our hearts."

What we are doing when we begin to be in loving relationship with ourselves is cultivating a more powerful form of consciousness to displace the negativity and the wounds and pains of life, and bring ourselves into an awareness of our true essence- the essence of Love. And as we remember loving compassion for ourselves we are able to be more loving to others.

I think of my ministry, as an Interfaith minister, as loving friendship – the religion of kindness the Dalai Lama talks about. That is my intent and motivation – to love and accept others with an open heart: to inspire and encourage, to validate and support. In fact, to be a loving friend.

And, of course, we all have this ministry, or a similar one. Marianne Williamson says that if you have an address book, and I don’t know anyone who doesn’t, then you have a ministry. Those are the people, or some of them, who need your loving friendship.

Who, in your filofax, or address book, needs to be reminded of how much you love them, or appreciate them? Or maybe needs some encouragement, some words of kindness?

I remember, shortly after I separated from my husband, feeling very sorry for myself because no-one had rung me for a couple of days. And then, like a light-bulb switching on in my mind, I asked myself, “ And WHO have I rung?” No-one, of course, and then I recalled a lesson from A Course in Miracles which says;

WHAT WE ARE LACKING IS WHAT WE ARE NOT GIVING

We need, as the song says, to reach out and touch. We are all in this together, and as Euripides told us so long ago;

“Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.”

Love for ourselves, love for each other, and thirdly, love for God, the Divine, in whatever form that is for us. Not last because it is the most, or least important frindship, but because it is the one which infuses the others. Bede tells us that “ He alone loves the Creator perfectly who manifests a pure love for his neighbour.” We love God through loving each other, loving ourselves.

But what does it mean to be in a loving friendship with God? In Neale Douglas-Walsch’s book called Friendship with God he lists seven steps to this friendship. They are:

• Know God
• Trust God
• Love God
• Embrace God
• Use God
• Help God
• Thank God

Each one of these steps could well fill an article, or book, or library! For now, I simply want to touch on the first one. Know God. How do we get to know God? Well, here are a few ways I came up with whilst pondering on this.

Spend time with God, acknowledging the presence of Love in each moment: talk to God and take time to listen too. Take to God your fears, your loneliness, your anger, your worries. Take to God, or share with God your joy, your hopes, your laughter, your dreams. In fact, what I’m saying is BE AUTHENTIC with God – be yourself, or your Self.
When we stop trying to be the right person for some-one, say the right things, act in a certain way to win approval, we can start being who we are. By dropping the mask, and being in the present moment we can begin to know God as we begin to know our Self. And then we catch a glimpse of our Best Friend, the One who is always there for us, always loving us.

And so we’ve come full circle – loving friendship with ourselves, others, God- perhaps it is all the same thing? I will close with a blessing from John O’Donohue’s book, Anam Cara, which is Gaelic for Soul Friend.

A Friendship Blessing

May you be blessed with good friends.
May you learn to be a good friend to yourself.
May you be able to journey to that place in your soul
where there is great love, warmth, feeling and forgiveness.
May this change you.
May it transfigure that which is negative, distant or cold in you.
May you be brought into the real passion, kinship and affinity of belonging.
May you treasure your friends.
May you be good to them and may you be there for them;
May they bring you all the blessings, challenges, truth and light that you need for your journey.

Susanna Michaelis

Click here to find out more about Susanna and the services she offers

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